I Dated Him For 6 Years, Had 7 Abortions, Paid His Fees And He Married My Best Friend
This is touching story of a Nigerian lady who gave her all to one man only to be unfortunately treated badly by her man.
This story might just make you CRY.. Literally. This story is saddening, saddening because the lady in question may or may not be able to conceive again. Saddening because, some men are truly scum and also, because a lover was not only fooled but a close friend was used to fill the gap. Life! More.
In the year 2009, Ms. J who resides in Abuja, rounded up her Secondary School studies and like many other Nigerian fresh high school graduates, she attempted JAMB. (For readers who aren’t familiar with our great country’s education system, Joint Admissions and Matriculations Board (JAMB) is a Nigerian entrance examination board for tertiary-level institutions.
The board conducts entrance examinations for prospective undergraduates into Nigerian universities. Of course, she was a very smart girl, so she passed with a good score (297 to be precise) and luckily for her, she was shortlisted for PUME (An examination conducted by Universities to further screen candidates).
Fast forward to her journey to the West, she was to stay with her aunt for her PUME and like every concerned Nigerian parents, they had instructed her aunt (father’s youngest sister) to make sure she read thoroughly for her PUME which was suppose to hold in few days. But truly, they didn’t even need to go that far, because she was a “serious-bookworm”, a bookworm who intentionally bereft herself from the pleasures of “hanging out or making friends” but made sure her books followed her wherever she went to!
In fact, she was the Library prefect in her Secondary School days (I forgot to chip that in, earlier.) Few days after flying into town, it was time for her to yet again make her family proud. Her aunt drove her to the University…. It was the University for the big boys and girls.
The University where things happen.. The University where “all dem ladies” loved packaging themselves. She went in for her PUME and came out with smiles. She knew she had worked her usual magic and was very certain her first attempt into University was a done-deal.
She had asked and begged her parents to let her stay with her aunt for a while, so as to chill with her (her aunt wasn’t married by the way).
Her parents agreed, after all, she was with her closest relative they thought, it wouldn’t be so nice to just let her breeze in for her PUME then out immediately she’s done. “Give the girl some breathing space”, they thought. Her aunt was an entrepreneur who had a thriving Digital Agency, which was quite popular. She had a staff strength of about 25.
One day, Ms. J asked that she followed her to the office, and she obliged. That was the day everything started changing! She met Mr. J in her aunt’s company. He was a part-time staff in the agency and right after her meeting with him, things took a drastic turn. In fact, it was love at first sight for her. According to her, Mr. J had everything she ever wanted in a guy. He did not only tickle her fancy, he also took her to cloud 9 by just gazing. (The question would be, what does a 17 year old book-worm know about “tickling fancy” right??).. Well,…
One thing led to another, they started communicating, and all through the five weeks she stayed at her aunt’s, she always followed her to her workplace and the times she stayed back home as a result of her menstrual cramps, she informed Mr. J, so he called in sick, didn’t show up at work but went to chill with, comfort and caress her. At that point, she was over the moon. To her, no one had ever shown her such care during her “painful moments“. This happened for 3 days and right under her aunt’s supervision. She got excited when she got to realise that he was in the same university she applied and wrote her PUME. He was a second year student who decided to make extra cash by running a part-time job in Ms. J’s aunt’s digital agency.. It meant one thing, they will be closer if she eventually got admission into the University.
It was time for her to fly back to Abuja, they said their goodbyes over the phone and she begged that he continued communicating. This, they did and when the list came out, she was accepted into the University to study Law (Her first choice).
Fast-forward to when she got into Uni: Ms. J had convinced her parents that, she wanted an accommodation in campus. She told them that it would be easier for her to be more focused with her studies, easier to access the school’s library, study there and also, easier for her to attend lectures on time because her aunt’s place was quite a distance from the University and the usual traffic will be stressful. Her parents “okayed” it and sent her funds for her hostel accommodation but unbeknownst to them, she did this so as not to be supervised by her aunt and also, to be free to be with her Mr. J (Young love).
In her first year, second semester, on her birthday to be precise, Mr. J asked her to be his girl, of which she agreed to and that indeed, changed the course of her destiny. She was so in love with Mr. J that she became his mother, care-taker, lover, financial adviser, helper, money lender, money-dasher, bill-footer and the list goes on. (By the way, she was from a very rich family, so money was truly never her problem).
She did everything for and with him and maybe…, just maybe that’s why he decided to take her for granted. Three days after her birthday, he begged her to come over and spend the night at his place (He shared a room with his friend). They had planned to “make love” that night. Of course, this was her first time, and she was very much okay giving her body to her first love. Things were going great, her clothes off, about getting a lubricant then a knock on the door was heard. It was his roommate. He had come back from a fellowship. The time was some minutes past 8pm.
Though he had informed and begged his roommate to chill in another room that night, his roommate didn’t oblige. (His roommate was one of those overly-not soggy guys), so he had messed up their plans big time! So many pleas from Mr. J fell on deaf ears and he actually insisted on lying on the same bed as the girl and Mr. J.. In his own words, “I pay the same amount of money with you, so I have to sleep on the bed.” Crazy right?…. Yes! Every plan they had was shattered, she had to leave the room and head back to her hostel because the bed was not big enough to accommodate three people. Luckily, his apartment wasn’t so far from the hostel.
Four days after the incident, Ms. J paid in a huge sum of money into her boyfriend’s account and asked him to get a well furnished accommodation. The decision to do this was made after she consulted her closest friend on campus, Titi. Titi happened to be her bonk mate and also, course-mate. Mr. J, after series of refusal to accept her offer, later obliged (After all, it was beneficial to both of them). He got a house, very comfortable, got furniture and also, got a generator. The money was that much that her could get all these and have some more change for running around
The night after he had settled into the new house, his “wash-night plan” was to deflower her. He made love to her (at least, that is what she thought). From that moment, she became his sex doll. Every time and everyday, he’d control her to his house for s*x. Sometimes during her lectures, he will keep buzzing her till she finally decides to leave class for his apartment. He even suggested that she moved in with him, to stay from Monday to Fridays since she normally spends the weekend at her aunt’s. She accepted this, thinking it was in her own best interest. At least, everyone would know it is official – So, she thought.
His fourth year was a bit rough for him. He had quit his part time job in Ms. J‘s aunt’s place to fully concentrate in school, and for the fact that he was the first of five kids from a broken home and his mum did menial jobs to sustain herself and the kids, help from home wasn’t forthcoming. He was sad to say the least but Ms. J became his knight and shinning armour. She would make sure he lacked nothing, I mean nothing at all. Ms. J always got an excess of N70,000 monthly allowance from home, so she’d keep N20,000+ for herself and give N50,000 to her boyfriend. (It is noteworthy to mention that Mr. J was paid N50K monthly from his part time job he quit).
Meaning, she started paying the exact same amount he was receiving when he was still working.. (Indeed, she truly loved this lad). She’d use N20,000+ to take care of herself. Deprived herself of the things she normally used which were expensive and because she didn’t want her parents thinking about how she suddenly developed a lavish lifestyle, she never asked that they topped her monetary-allowance. Mr. J was living the life. Now he could afford to spend without thinking of how the money was made. Flexing at the detriment of his bae. Drinking, smoking and even womanising.. His true colours started showing but she still loved him, regardless. Prior to his fourth year, after deflowering her, he normally wore a condom each time he wanted to have sex with her, but, after his fourth year; second semester, he insisted they go raw. This caused a strain in their relationship because Ms. J didn’t want it but he insisted that if she truly loved him, she would oblige.
They had a serious fight over this, so she went back to her accommodation in school, once again, confided in Titi (who eventually became her best friend in Uni). Titi advised that she give in because she had already given a lot to the relationship and it will be dumb for her to lose him because of “sex”. And like always, she agreed. Days after their fight, she went to his house to apologise but met a girl there. A 300L Law student who she recognised (She would later discover he had sex with her and many others too). Bae begged silly that night, cried her eyes off, cried like a pikin just so he could forgive her for refusing to have sex without a condom. But my guy refused. It took the intervention of Titi, who came to his house to subdue the whole tension and issue.
Titi had played her part, time for her to go, he asked that he gets her number just so as to be able to reach Ms.J through her incase Ms.J’s phone is switched off. Ms. J, reluctantly accepted (She couldn’t do much at this point, because she didn’t want another issue and for the fact that Titi was her closest friend and the reason why things didn’t fall apart, she just kept mum in the background). Sex was like free food for Mr. J and his PULL OUT GAME was LAME! That same year, she had 3 abortions for him (3 abortions in one year) and each time she aborted, he’d promise that he would be careful next time.
Mr. J in his final year, had issues with some courses, so he automatically had an extra year. Ms. J was in her 4th year now, and about to graduate. Her grades had somewhat nose-dived because of the stress in her relationship. Things weren’t going as planned anymore and it now looked like she was just a sex-doll for him, yet, she still had hope that he loved her. That same year, she had another 3 abortions, and on her sixth attempt, she almost died of complications. In fact, the doctor said he won’t be involved in any abortion case concerning her, anymore. She almost bled to death. It was at this point she started re-thinking life.(But this didn’t last for long because she was blinded by love)
Just like her boyfriend, she had issues with some courses and had to re-sit. That year saw her G.P fall like an Iroko tree. She started struggling with average grades in almost all papers. Her boyfriend finally graduated with a 2.1 after sorting some lecturers (money he got from his bae) and was posted to Abuja for his NYSC. She was ecstatic after hearing about this because she had planned to relocate full time to Abuja immediately after the completion of her studies. Her law school was already prepped by her parents in Abuja. (They were that influential).
Titi had graduated before her and left the university to her base in Oyo State. She regularly spoke to her concerning life’s matters and most importantly, issues between she and her bae Even after graduating, Ms. J was still financially responsible for him and the funny thing is, after four years of dating, he never for once even introduced her to his nuclear family. (He always had an excuse each time she raised the topic. Always!) After 3 weeks in Kubwa camp, and getting his Place of Primary Assignment (PPA), he headed back to Lagos to see his family and also, Ms. J. Unbeknownst to her, he actually came to see her so she could help him raise some money to rent a boys quarters (BQ) he found which was close to his primary assignment.
The sum was quite much, but she just had to raise it so he could be comfortable in Abuja, she did the usual, sent funds to his account. After that day, he was coming to their lodge for steady knacks.. She fell pregnant again! And like always, was asked to do the needful which she reluctantly did. (Her 7th abortion in 4 years). Because their regular abortion-expert doctor refused to do the D&C, they had to travel all the way to another state to flush it. Titi had recommended a good doctor. After the successful D&C, the doctor made it known to her that, she might not be able to bear a child again because her womb may have been affected. And she decided to share this vital information with her best friend, Titi… (Ladies, keeping to yourself helps a whole lot).
Fast forward to her graduation and relocation back to Abuja: Titi had started her Law School earlier and was based in Abuja too, a stone-throw from Mr.J’s house. In fact, Ms. J was aware they sometimes visited themselves. Ms. J begged her friend to help with foodstuffs for her bae, which she obliged. Their bond became stronger, then the “long-overdue affection” began to manifest. Titi had made it known that she always had feelings for him since University days and was jealous of her his relationship with Ms. J. Mr. J also, made it known that, he felt same way and though he never buzzed her after collecting her digit way back in school, his main intention was to get to know her better but couldn’t because he somewhat had Ms.J full time at home and didn’t want to arouse suspicion.
Titi decided to spill the beans on her best-friend’s inability to bear a child and immediately Mr. J heard it, he found a LEVERAGE to leave her. Citing that, he definitely won’t be with her anymore because what he is looking for right now is a WIFE MATERIAL. When Ms. J came back to Abuja, she noticed Mr. J had changed towards her, and in fact, each time they had sex, he always wore a condom, cold shoulders, lackadaisical attitude towards her and rarely even called or checked up on her but still, she was still giving him his regular pay check on a monthly (50k). Three months gone, his behaviour worsened, it was clearer to her that she probably had lost his love. So one day, she decided to show up at his, unannounced. Lo and behold, she met bae with Titi, lying down in his bed,…. Stark Naked! (My question at this point was, since he heard a knock on his door and most likely verified it was Ms. J, why didn’t he ask Titi to dress up? At least, even if she had her clothes on, she won’t have been really fussed!)…..
The answer I got was; maybe they were tired of hiding and didn’t care anymore. She was greeted with a smile from her supposed BEST FRIEND and before she could say a word, Mr. J said, “I broke up with you long ago, I broke up with you the very day I was told you may not be able to bear children. How will I marry a barren woman?” Right there and then, she knew Titi was behind this but all she could do was sob and leave… 5+ years of her life gone, 5+ years of so many sacrifices for Mr. J, 5+ years of giving her all for the relationship. 5+ years gone to the drain.. 5 + years! All these flooded her thoughts. As I write this, Ms. J is out of the country and an IV for Titi and Mr. J’s wedding has flooded Social Media. Titi and her Ms.J’s ex dated for a year+ and decided to tie the knot. Mr. J now works in a big Engineering Firm in PortHarcourt while Titi just finished her NYSC.
The wedding is for 27th,January What a life!