‘I Pay Her 20k-₦30k Monthly But She Cheated. I’m Scared Of Marrying Her’ (Please Advice)


Please guys, I have something bothering me so much, I will really appreciate it if I can get a matured response.
3 things to do if you’re confused in a relationship
These might be long, but please bare with me

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There is this girl have been dating since March 2021. Although, we met in University days and we have been dating since 2017, but because I was graduating and she has 1 more year to spend in the school, I left her and travelled to Lagos to work, because I got a job in a company in Lagos, immediately I graduated. I needed to concentrate on my future so I told her I want to pause the relationship to focus, but I will definitely be back for her, I promised her this. She was a v!rg!n then!

After working in the company for 2years, I also learnt some IT skills online while I was working in the company, and I was earning cool money from it, so I decided to quit the job and focus more on the online business.

My business have been doing well and I have about 2 other virtual assistant helping me out, anyway I was kind of comfortable, so I thought of fulfilling my promise to my girlfriend. I called her one morning, and she was shocked! We chatted a bit and I told her I want us to see urgently, we schedule a date for her to meet me in the hotel, because I was staying in Lekki and he stays around Surulere, I wanted an hotel close to her house, so she can return early.

We met at the hotel and I can see she missed me so much, around 3pm I told her I’m back and I want us to continue dating and I’m ready to settle down, she agreed and we have been dating, all this happened around March 2021. Around April, I travelled out for about 2months, but I was very communicating with her, and when I got back around June, I discovered she had S3x with another guy in May. Now, I wouldn’t say she did it because of money, because I pay her 20k every month for upkeep, sometimes I just pay her 30k! She is not a wayward girl though, and she is not a type that sleeps around with guys back then in school, but once i came back into her life, I see a different girl entirely, when I came back she wasn’t a v!rg!n anymore, it’s not my problem anyway, because the truth is I never forgot her during all those years I left her behind.

I didn’t tell her I knew she cheated on me, but all I do tell her was that she did something bad to me and I want her to open up to me about it, but my girl kept on denying it, she sworn with her life, that she didn’t cheat on me, that night I was shocked. Then, I didn’t talk about it again till September, I gave her those months to regret her actions and confess to me, but she never did, also I didn’t stop helping her financially, I still pay her monthly for upkeep. I know you will be wondering why I give her money, right? This girl was with me and loyal to me when I had nothing, like nothing at all! She was raised by a single mother and she is struggling a lot, after graduating she decided to go for Hair Stylist training, that is where she is currently. So I just give her money monthly just to stay strong.

So around September I decided to tell her she cheated on me, although it was that once, she begged, cried and told me she was drunk and regretted it, she told me she doesn’t want to tell me because she knows I will end the relationship, well to be candid I love her so much, so I decided to forgive her, but since that day, trusting her was very very difficult for me. Although, I do watch her and since then I have never seen anything of such from her.

January 2022, her mother stopped her from coming to my place, she wants me to come see her first before she can allow her daughter to come visit me again. So, I went to see her mom last month and I made my intentions known to her, I told her I will want to marry her daughter and she said she is okay with it, if her daughter is okay with me.

This girl is my type of girl but, she has some behaviours that sincerely I don’t think I can deal with.

She has this mindset of “A woman should be equal to a man”.

She doesn’t respect me, she chats with random guys and if they invite her for outing, she goes with them, even if I tell her not to go! When she visits me, she says I must join her in doing the house chores, she will say “It’s either you clean the house and I will wash the plates and cook, or she wash the plates and cook, while I clean the house”. And sometimes if she wants to cook for me, she will want me to come to the kitchen with her and do some works, maybe Grind pepper with blender or slice onion, if I dont, she gets annoyed, saying will she be the one to be doing all?


She did something that annoyed me this morning, around 6am today I went to the filling station to get petrol, well she knows I eat early always, maybe 6am or 7am, I would have taken breakfast, but she has never dished me food at that time, I always do it myself whenever she is around. When I got back from the filling station, I still met my girlfriend on the bed pressing her phone, I told her I’m hungry and I will want to eat Spaghetti with tomato sauce, and she replied “Baby, please cook it yourself, you said I’m your queen, pamper me na” shocked Really? What does that have to do with you cooking for your fiance?

Well, I was annoyed, I went to the kitchen and prepared the food myself, the truth is when the food was ready, I only dished my own and ate, she said “What about her? Won’t she eat?” I didn’t answer her!

Aside from this, sincerely sometimes she talks to me rudely, and one thing she and I knows is that she is very very stubborn and not ready to submit to any man. Sincerely, this attitude is making me scared of settling down with her, I want to propose her this year and do the marriage rights but with all this behaviours I’m thinking the marriage will be hell for me.

When she came over yesterday, I prepared food for her before her arrival, and I served her, all she could say was “What is this? The food taste bad! Is this food or poison?” She never gave a good compliments about the meal, yet she finished the food and went for second round.

Last night before we went to bed, I told her to warm the rice and the stew, she said it won’t get spoilt that she will do it in the morning, I asked her if she is sure, she said Yes. And I went to the kitchen before preparing my Spaghetti, I saw the rice is already bad and can’t be eaten, I showed it to her and she was like “haaa she doesn’t know it will spoil”

Also, the chicken I bought yesterday to cook her the meal, I couldn’t use all, I left some in the pot, and I forgot to warm it last night, my girl saw it while washing the plates this morning, and she was like “What is this?” I told her chicken and she said “And you didn’t warm it” she left it there in the pot like that without doing anything to revive it. Before I went to the kitchen to do it myself!

She only washed the plates, bath and went to church this morning, she didn’t arrange the bed, nor sweep the room littered with all we ate last night. I’m sure of the message she is passing to me… “Have washed the plates, you clean the house”.

Please guys, I want to propose her around August and settle down with her in November, but this behaviours are the things turning me off.

Will she changed and act normal when we get married, or this will continue? The guys she chat with, which I told her I don’t like it, she replied that “She will never and ever leave them”. All these types of attitudes and not showing me respect, do you think she will change after we get married or she will continue?

Please guys, I’m very confused here


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