It is extremely common and rather harrowing when you are in a situation like this.
Count your blessings if your mother and wife are on the same page.
If they are poles apart and you get stuck between the two then here are some tips to help you balance between the ladies of your life.
1. Both are justified
You must first understand that both have their own justified reasoning. They have their own perspectives and after marriage you need to understand that priorities do shift. It is not their mistake because one has taken care of you since birth and the other has left her home to adjust in your world and take care of your future.
2. Begin with the kitchen
It sounds funny to many but the truth is that it all begins with the kitchen. Women are very possessive about the kitchen. If you live in a joint family then this might be a major issue. So sit the women down and make a chart as to how this can be handled. Also, you too should chip in. If there is something both the women do not like then how about you taking charge for it? If you cannot, keep a cook, but come up with a solution. If the two have different favourite dishes then request them to divide the days. No blame game please.
3. Promote communication
The biggest barrier in all relationships is miscommunication. Instead of them festering hatred for each other every day, ask or make them voice their opinion to each other. Maybe one wants something but the other has been presuming that it is something else. Do not encourage their complaining habits.
4. Controlling your own anger
A man should never lashes out on either his mother or his wife in front of the other. Speak to them individually but maintain the respect. How you react makes a huge amount of difference.
At times, the underlying frustration of not being able to spend time with her son or her husband builds and comes out in different ways. So try to spend time with the women. Fix a date with both of them on different days and balance it out. Quality time is crucial in all relationships. If you take out one for shopping, you have to do that with the other as well. Sometimes take them both out and do the activities both the women love ( do what you love as well, we don’t want the moderator to be unhappy either).