“At 23, I Have No Idea What I Am Doing With My Life”
My story is quite a sad and long one.
I wish I could write it all out. My life has been a terrible mess.
Where did it go wrong for me, I have no idea.
I am writing with so much emotion, my heart is full and heavy.
Life is bitter.
I am a 23 years old guy.
My life all started to go in the negative direction when I gained admission at age 16.
A 16 years old boy in the university, so much freedom and exposure.
I messed up my life, I became addicted to bet9ja virtual gambling I lost focus, Gambling killed me, I started failing exams, at the end I dropped out without my parents Knowing, but the truth came out when I was supposed to graduate, I could not hide it anymore. I told them the truth, my parents forgave me like the prodigal son.
They still believed in me especially my mom, she keeps reminding me of how intelligent I used to be.
Well I’m not here to talk about my past life but here to talk about how it is still affecting me today.
Ever since I started university all over again, I have been miserable and frustrated. Nothing has been working in my favour. I’m currently now in 200level hoping to graduate before 25.
All my mates I started with have done their NYSC.
I’m still stuck in the same stage.
I have no idea what I am doing with my life. I’m young, broke and depressed. I get irritated over little things. I feel disgust at how I uselessed my youthful life. How gambling destroyed me.
By the grace of whichever god exists, I am no longer addicted to gambling. I have quit the addiction for almost a year now but nothing changed, I still feel miserable. I hate having people around me even my family members including my mom.
I have no true friends. Nobody checks on me, nobody calls me.
At this age, I can’t boast of having 500 naira in my account.
I’m broke and miserable.
I have started hating God and question my belief in God. I hate Sunday’s. I hate hearing about God, I don’t blame God for my troubles but I’m angry at the fact that despite my parents being dedicated Christians, things are not working well in my family.
My elder ones are graduates, but no solid job yet.
Only my eldest brother who is doing quite well now and I thank God for his life but we don’t talk. I can’t remember the last time I called him on phone. They don’t hate me, I hate myself.
I have disappointed them a lot.
I just lost the last #1000 I had in my life today and I cried. The money fell out my pocket when I went to get something.
At 23 years, I have no idea what I will do with my future.
I still live with my parents and I have never rented an apartment of my own even in school.
What is wrong with me, why am I miserable?
I have no good clothes. My clothes are all worn out.
I have nothing doing, i live off my parents.
Since schools were shut down, I have been at home doing nothing.
Completely broke, damaged and miserable.
Can my life be any better. What do I do. I am depressed.
I keep asking myself these questions but there Seem to be no answer.